Email: Stephrabb@hotmail.com

Website: http://www.daenarsjagfanfiction.com/Steph/StephJAG.html

Disclaimer: I do not own the JAG characters; they are the propriety of CBS, Paramount Studios and they belong to Donald P. Bellisario. No copyright infringement intended.

Classification: Vignette / Drama / Romance Harm and Mac

Rating: 12+

Spoilers: "Hail and Farewell"

Summary: Harm's thoughts. After his talk with Mac he needs to go see his father at the wall.

Author's note: don't ask me where this comes from, because I don't have any idea. It just came that's all. I hope you'll enjoy it. There's nothing more to say about it. I guess you could say the story is some kind of Harm's POV, but it's for you to judge about that. This little story is for you Dae you are a real friend. Thank you so much for being my friend and staying my friend even I knowing that I'm so easy, and thank you, AeroGirl for still believing in me.

Many thanks to AeroGirl and Dae for beta-reading!

Feedback: Please, if you would like to express your enjoyment. If my work does not appeal to you for any reason, I have no problem with that, but please, no need to share that with me.

"Hi, dad," he murmured.

Harm sighted. It was the first time in years that he came here to visit his father at another time than December, 24. Harm needed to talk to someone, someone else than his colleagues at JAG. Besides, he couldn't talk to them about what he felt like since his talk with Mac. No one at JAG knew about Mac's biopsy or the results of it except him and Mac. It was their secret, but God knows how much Harm wished that he would be sharing another secret with her. - A far sweeter secret.

Harm felt desperate and for the first time in a long while he felt like he was helpless, powerless. He wanted to help his friend, but he couldn't - well he could, but it was not like he could really do something, all Harm could really do was listening to her, and give her his shoulder to cry on, and that was driving him crazy.

When Mac had announced him that she had cancer his all body had tensed, and his heart broke. His all world had collapsed into a million of pieces. Then something inexplicable made him talk to her about their deal. He knew it wasn't the right time to do it because she was in grief of Clay, and he'd also known that she'd loved him, but it was like the words had came out of his mouth without his willpower. He had to talk to her about it.

At first Mac was a little taken aback and chocked but then she looked up at him straight in the eyes. Was she'd said then was still turning and returning in his head.

"You know, men just seem to pass through my life, except for you. Will you always be there?"

Harm remembered himself answering "yes" without any hesitation. Harm knew he wanted to be and to stay by her side through every difficult moment she will have to go through in the near future. Clayton's funeral, the hospital visits, and everything. Harm knew he would be there for her for whatever she would need him for.

"Dad, Mac has an illness. It's not really life threatened, but she'll have to make a choice - a choice that'll affect her forever. I want to be there for her, I want to be strong for her. But what if I can't? Dad, I'm in love with her, but I can't find the words to tell her what I feel for her, and besides, right now is not really an appropriate time to do so. She'd just lost the man she loved he fell overboard and drowned. I still don't understand why she was with him, but that's none of my business. Anyway, I don't know why I brought up our deal about having a baby together.

A couple of years ago, five years to be exact I made a sort of commitment to her. - A proposition to her. If neither of us were in a relationship five years from then we would have a baby together. And this is the week, and I brought it up. The truth is dad that I really want to have a baby with her. I really want to have a little fellow with her. I feel like a bad person for wishing such a thing. I couldn't really stand the guy she was with, but still that not a reason to make such a proposition. It's so misplaced.

Dad, I feel so bad about what I feel - but for the first time in my life I seem to really know what I want and I'm ready for it. I don't want to push her, and I won't push her, but I'm scared of losing her. What should I do? Dad I'm lost in an ocean of uncertainties. How is this possible? I know what I want but I'm still so unsure. I wish you would be here to help… to help me find an answer to all the questions I have. I wish you could tell me which direction I should take and what to do…I miss you so much dad."

Harm glanced down at the little rectangular box which contains his father's wings. The same pair of wings Jenny Lake had carried with her all these years, - the wings he'd given her as a Christmas gift in 1969 because he thought everyone should have a Christmas gift at Christmas Eve. Jenny had given them back to Harm thirty-two years later, and he'd given them back to the one they'd belong to in the first place, his father by placing them in front of the wall next to a burning candle. The flame that reflected into it made them sparkle and it all made it appear even more symbolic that night.

Even today there was a burning candle next to the little box that contains the wings. Watching them Harm couldn't help murmuring "Please dad, help me finding a way to help the woman I love."

Harm waited a little and closed his eyes. A gentle breeze came up and Harm could swear he could hear his father's voice.

"Son, all you have to do is following your heart, and remember that as long there's life there's hope and there will always be 'cause hope never dies.

Harm opened his eyes again and straightening himself to salute his father before leaving, he murmured a last "tank you"…

If his father really told him that, he was right Harm thought to himself as long as there was life there was hope.

---- THE END ----