Split Second

Author: Daenar (daenarchurill@yahoo.de)
Disclaimer: JAG is property of Belisarius Productions, CBS and Paramount Pictures. No copyright infringement intended.

Category: Mental snapshot of a decisive moment. Follow-up to the series finale.
Rating: You can all read this, no worries...

Spoilers: EVERYTHING!!!
Summary: Two people whose lives have just been sealed together are at the verge of finding out where their road leads...

Author's notes: Except maybe for any impending collaborations, this is very likely going to be my very last JAG fanfiction ever. I wouldn't call it my personal legacy - but this little story does feel like kind of a closing argument to me. I've come a long way from when I first accidentally "stumbled" over JAG in some afternoon rerun on German television, five years ago. Through JAG I've discovered my love for telling stories other than in a journalistic way. This is going to be one of the great treasures that will hopefully accompany me all my life. So I want to take this opportunity and thank this fandom for the terrific time I've had with you all! I'm definitely gonna miss this.

This has not been beta-read, so please, excuse any mistakes. Thank you.

**********

McMurphy's Tavern
Washington, D.C.
You know when

 

[Mac's POV]

Couldn't time just freeze? Right here and right now?

Bud gave the coin a lot of spin, but at some point it has to fall down again and hurt one of us. Harm or me - one of us is going to come out of this with a stray tear in one eye. In a split second, one of us will no longer have a future in the military, and the outcome's going to hurt, either myself or the man I love most in the world.

But right now, I feel like I'm floating through the immense open space of my very personal happiness. I can't take any of us getting hurt right now!

As I'm watching the coin slow down and approach its turning point, I'm acutely aware of the warmth of Harm's firm embrace. He doesn't want to let it show, but I know exactly just how tense he is, awaiting our joint verdict. He's smiling easily but the way he's holding me feels as if he were clinging to a sonar buoy in the middle of a stormy ocean.

Talk about lifelines.

I'm amazed that I can somehow hold it all together the way I do. I mean, nine years of well-cemented behavioral patterns and of unshakeable worldviews have just been turned upside down with a few simple words.

What I told Harm was true: my choice of words definitely wasn't a Freudian slip, but if I hadn't been sitting and holding on to him, Harm's reply would have completely knocked me off my feet right that instant. Even after his initial admission that he would never feel about anyone the way he felt about me, I still couldn't believe my ears.

What are you proposing?

I'm proposing.

Where was the Harmon Rabb who would always weasel out of situations like this?

Gone. Instead there was this incredible man, holding me, kissing me, telling me he loved me and that he wanted fate to bind us together forever.

Yes, Harm, I believe in fate.

I used to categorize our relationship as ill-fated. Now, no matter the outcome, I'll cancel that word from my vocabulary. I'll either do your mom a favor and get you and her adopted granddaughter to finally live near her. Or I'll ignore the sting in my Marine heart and dedicate my new life to bringing Mattie back to her normal self and make the three of us a home in South Kensington.

Feeling you hold me and seeing you show everyone how happy you are is all I'll ever need.

London or San Diego - in a split second we'll know. And then, first thing I'm gonna do is hug General Cresswell and thank him for supplying that deadline.

**********

[Harm's POV]

Couldn't time just freeze? Right here and right now?

Couldn't we just be spared this decision and live happily ever after?

The Navy is my life. It was meant to be, right from when I was born. I could never bring myself to give it up, that's for sure.

The hell it is. I already did, once. For Mac. And as true as I'm standing here, hoping the coin will show Heads and at the same time hoping to spare Mac the pain of seeing just that, I would do it again. I would go and just be Mr. Harmon Rabb, as long as Mrs. Rabb - Lieutenant Colonel Rabb - would be by my side and sharing my life. And if I was meant to become a naval officer, then Mac and I were meant to cross ways. So no matter the outcome, fate will have spoken true anyway.

The way Mac lets her hand rest confidently on my chest, its warmth penetrating my mess jacket and shirt and burning on my skin, is all the proof I need. Sum up all the times we saved each other, hated each other, laughed with each other, almost crossed the line with each other - if there ever was a precedent of 'meant to be', we are it.

It's just that despite my complete bliss, I can't chase the faint trace of melancholy from the back of my mind, knowing that for one of us, the verdict will be something to be digested, abruptly ending what was the center of both our lives. Couldn't we just find an escape route around that?

No, Rabb, don't go there. Not this time. You've always excelled at evading moments like this one, at the cost of losing what should be the one constant in your life. This time, pull through and trust.

How did you do it, Mac? The way you called me 'sailor' earlier, like you used to, back in the good old times, and that disarming smile that came with it - they just made everything so easy. Taking you up on your pun seemed like the only right thing to do. And asking you to marry me felt as if what I'd always thought was so complicated, could never have been made simpler.

What are you proposing?

I am proposing.

I probably surprised myself with those words just as much as I caught you off guard, but the moment they were out, my world was all right. Add the kiss and... well, you know what I mean.

I'd never have thought saying 'I love you' was so easy. Maybe your quality of simplifying life has already begun to rub off on me? If that's so, then private practice in San Diego sounds just as great a thing to do as military law in Westminster. Holding you like I'm holding you right this instant and feeling you want to be held is all I'll ever need.

San Diego or London - in a split second we'll know. And then, first thing I'm gonna do is thank General Cresswell for seeing right through me and supplying that deadline.

**********

Our love seemed ill-fated, but convictions were shaken.
I've doubted forever, now I'm going to trust.
From shattered illusions, real hopes can awaken.
My fears were cemented, now they're crumbling to dust.
No matter the outcome:
We'll cherish each day.
The future is just
One split second away.

Daenar (May 2005)

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